As a male, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Bros before hoes”. Well, I learned the hard way that it also applies to masturbation. A few years ago, I was out with a group of good buddies and one friend in particular caught my eye. We had been friends for years and it only seemed natural to invest in more than platonic form of closeness.
One night, after much drinks, we stumbled back to his place. Whilst mumbling and rambling our way to his room, we knew where the night was heading. Little did I know that my friend had something else in mind. We started making out and suddenly he said, “Hey, how about we both masturbate at the same time?”
I remember feeling surprised and really creeped out. That’s definitely not what I came for! Nonetheless, I gave in out of plain curiosity and partially out of pity. His eyes were glistening with excitement as if he’d just won the jackpot. We shed the clothes and for a few moments, we just stood there. In this moment of uncomfortable absurdity, I almost changed my mind and vibrators said “No”.
At that point I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable that all I wanted to do was run out of the door, screaming. But I didn’t. Instead, I stayed there, trembling and not knowing what to do. My head was spinning and time seemed to slow down. As I stared at his ever growing arousal, I felt my own libido decrease.
In the end, sex toys I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My thought between us wasn’t mutual and I felt like I’d just betrayed him by not going through with it. Sadly, our friendship didn’t last much longer after that. Though I eventually learnt to let the embarrassment go, the memory of that night still remains.
Now that I think about it, I admire his courage to take such an initiative. In hindsight, I wish that both of us were less intoxicated and that we actually tried to talk to each other instead. What I learnt from the experience is that ‘bros before hoes’ also applies to masturbation. Not only does it sound weird, but it will also likely have an adverse effect on your relationship.
However, if both partners are super comfortable with each other and socialize outside of the relationship, then mutual masturbation might serve as an enjoyable activity. It also helps you get to know each other’s bodies better.
Furthermore, mutual masturbation can add excitement and spice to your sex life. It takes away the pressure from both partners to “perform”, which can be liberating, allowing you to enjoy it more. Despite the initial awkwardness, it can also bring you closer to your partner and help open up communication.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to consent. Make sure that both of you are on the same page and that it’s a mutual decision. When you’re both comfortable and eager to take it further, then go for it! Just remember that you should both be in a trusted, safe, and respectful environment.