I recently got to learn about this bizarre experience of my friend. He went and bought one of those sex dolls –you know, the inflatable ones with synthetic skin?– and it changed his life.. and not in a very good way.
To be honest, one of the reasons why he got the doll was because he was feeling lonely and couldn’t seem to find any viable solution other than getting a deadline for physical contact, if you know what I mean. His plan was to have a one-time encounter and move on with his life.
Little did he know, he would experience a devastating mix of lust and disgust which would haunt him for days. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I asked him about it, that look of almost primal shame that comes with a sentiment of overpowering guilt.
My friend told me he slept with the dummy, and he found that it was as dull and lifeless as it was arousing and real. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t get the same pleasure from it as he could from real sex. He found himself completely torn between the physical satisfaction of the act and feeling dirty about it afterwards.
The experience was intense enough to leave a mark on him. He was traumatized, both physically and sex toys psychologically. And it seemed like no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t forget the events of that night.
Despite all that, he still managed to get out of it unscathed. He was not proud of his actions, by any means, but he was oddly satisfied. He realized that you can’t always control your urges and societal norms, and actions don’t always have to have a moral ground.
He said that, despite all the discomfort it brought, he was actually really glad he did it. It’s like he rediscovered his own need for physical contact and felt liberated from the expectations of society. He allowed himself to do something that goes against everything he was brought up to believe in.
At the end I had to agree that I could totally relate to what he went through. We all feel lonely at times, and it can be difficult to know how to deal with this emotion. Maybe the answer lies in defining our own rules and norms; it’s ok to make bold choices for our own sake, even if it’s something that is seen as wrong. We don’t have to conform to society’s standards to be accepted.
I remember him saying that it had been the most incredible, liberating experience of his life. Although the memory of it still haunted him, he was grateful that he did it. It gave him a sense of freedom and an impetus to move on with his life.
My friend decided to remain anonymous and never tell anyone about his experience. He was adamant that no one should ever know until the day he passed away. But even for me, his closest friend, he didn’t want to talk about it, instead he just stared off into the night sky, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.